Real eyes Realize real lies
by Kitty-Kat's Meow O.o
Summary: not an actual story  see 1st chapter
1. The reason

**_There is absolutely no reason for this_**

**_For it is neither a story nor a one-shot_**

**_But i'll put this here as a secret list_**

**_Of who i am and the guideline to my stories._**

**_It will contain many useless chapters_**

**_But i feel it is necasary_**

**_For i have a strong feeling_**

**_That i wont remain here much longer._**

**_If ever this story is complete_**

**_That will be the end of me_**

**_I leave this so when I'm gone_**

**_People will have something to remember me by;_**

**_And to give my consent to take over any story left undone._**


	2. Guns & Emotions

********

********

**Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school**

**He told his friends that it was cool  
And when he pulled the trigger back  
It shot with a great crack  
Mummy I was a good girl  
I did what I was told  
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold  
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye  
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry  
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another  
And all because he got the gun from his older brother  
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much  
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush  
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now  
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now  
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best  
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest  
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class  
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass  
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this  
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss  
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try  
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry  
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest  
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest  
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack  
Mummy listen to me if you would  
I wanted to go to college  
I wanted to try things that were new  
I guess I'm not going with daddy  
On that trip to the new zoo  
I wanted to get married  
I wanted to have a kid  
I wanted to be an actress  
Mummy I wanted to live  
But mummy I must go now  
The time is getting late  
Mummy tell my Chris  
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date  
I love you mummy I always have  
I know you know it's true  
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"  
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost  
Please if you would  
Pass this around  
I'd be happy if you could  
Don't smash this on the ground  
If you pass this on  
Maybe people will cry  
Just keep this in heart  
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"**

**Now you have two choices  
1) repost and show you care  
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart**

**_Emotions:_**

**_Confusion_**

**_swirling and churning_**

**_relentlessly inside your stomach_**

**_until your sure you'll puke_**

**_Anger_**

**_creating a mist_**

**_so thick you can only see a haze_**

**_not knowing what happened during your time there_**

**_Happiness_**

**_flashing by both quickly and slowly_**

**_sometimes rarely ever_**

**_and other time frequently_**

**_Fear_**

**_striking quickly_**

**_coiling swiftly_**

**_until your completely paralyzed_**

**_Pleasure_**

**_raging_**

**_like a blazing fire_**

**_leaving you completely breathless_**

**_Sorrow_**

**_crawling and seeping_**

**_slowly and steadily_**

**_until it's all that remains_**

**_Pain_**

**_creeping and turning_**

**_wrapping itself around you_**

**_until it suffocates you_**

**_Depression_**

**_weaving itself around you_**

**_building bonds like an obsession_**

**_until it can drag you into oblivion_**

****


	3. Quotes and junk

_**My favorite quotes/songs**_

**_"Everybody needs somebody. You've been hurt in the most terrible of ways and there aren't many who can help you. But I need you and I know you need me. Sometimes when two people need eachother they can learn to heal. Everybody needs to be needed by somebody else; it makes them feel important, stronger, and more responsable to know that there is someone that depends on them."_**

**_Kajagoogoo (80s hair band, i just love the word)_**

_**a leopard never changes its spots and a pervert can't think beyond his crotch.**_

_happiness is always there within reach, no matter how long it lasts...lets enjoy life and don't live a complicated life. Life is too short._

Work as if it was your first day.  
Forgive as soon as possible.  
Love without boundaries.  
Laugh without control  
and never stop smiling.  


**_"It's often said that where ever there is love there is happiness, but are they genuin feelings? Does love come to us hand in hand with happiness? or is it_**

**_just an illusion of the feeling , if happiness is the illusion then what is being hidden? Is it pain, or sorrow? Love doesn't come with happiness, but an_**

**_illusion of it , what love walks with is hate, because with either feeling another always comes to mind. Maybe some where in the deeply intertwined bonds_**

**_of love and hate some find true happiness and acceptace with another..."_**

_** "We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.**_

_**I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.**_

_**I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.**_

_**I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.**_

_**And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.**_

_**It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.**_

_**I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.**_

**_I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him._**

_**When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.**_

_**I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.**_

_**On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.**_

_**If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.**_

_**I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.**_

_**When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.**_

_**I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy/girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what soap tastes like.**_

_**May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue to a frozen flagpole.**_

_**I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.**_

_**I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.**_

_**May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.**_

_**I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.**_

_**These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.**_

_**Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you. "**_

_"When life gives you lemon, make grape juice...then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."_

**(the actual quote)** "When life gives you lemon, make lemonade."

"I'm jealous of every girl that has hugged you, because for just the one moment she held  
my whole world."

"My life is like a puzzle, and when I try to fix it my whole world fell into place, because it was a picture of you."

**"Boys are like clowns, they try to make you laugh, yet they scare you at the same time."**

"You broke my heart, and left me to put the pieces back together, but there's one piece missing-you."

"If the only way for me to be with you is in my dreams, then let me sleep forever."

"I said your boyfriend was gay, and he hit me with his purse."

"I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed."  
_  
**"The truth may hurt, but your lies will kill me."**_

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon."

"It was the perfect crime, I stole his heart, and he stole mine."  
  
"I know I have a heart, because I can feel it breaking."  
_  
"__**Don't make someone your everything, because when they leave, you have nothing.  
**  
"Stealing one idea is plagiarism. Stealing many is research."_

"If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them."  
_  
**"I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it."**_

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly"

"My goal in life is to hurt you, severely."

_**Homosexuality: Some close-minded bastards will try to convince you that it's wrong, but they're just that: bastards. Love isn't meant to be given only to a member of the opposite sex. Love is meant to be given to the one you care about the most, and who you think deserves it**_

**_"Of course, there was love and then there was Love. The kind of love that consumed like an angry wildfire: wholly, and without hesitation or care, spreading until its flames licked at the deepest recesses of heart and soul, until it was beyond quenching and all hope of survival was lost. _****_Love was a distant cousin of Death. It was a slow torture, deceitful in its bliss, all the while scorching, rending, decimating your heart until all that remained was blind, heedless Love. The kind of love that left you a babbling fool, an emotional imbecile, a helpless slave to your own heart._****_Love was pain and tears and loss. It was complete surrender to the will of another, the laying bare of your beating heart, a game of chance where the loser lost everything and the winner lost only their heart._****_Why then did people flock to love? Why risk being burned by that wildfire?_**

**_For all the pain and grief it caused, Love was so much more. It was awkward silences, nervousness, excitement, hope. It was the frantic beating of your heart, sweaty palms, cold terror. It was comfort and it was home. It was first kisses and last dances. It was…Love. _****_And it was worth the pain because without love, what would make life worth living for?"_**

_  
"That which doesn't kill you...will most likely succeed the second time."_

"I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert."

"If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!"

_**"My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems."**_

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."  
_**  
"you're just jealous cause the little voices talk to me."  
**  
"Of course I'm out of my mind...it's dark and scary in there!"_

"Curiosity killed whoever got in my way."

"I know the voices aren't real, but they have some pretty good ideas."  
_  
"**I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up."**_

"If you're gonna die, then die, but do it right."  
  
"Straw's cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm and get all 3."  
_  
"If looks could kill, you'd be dead."_

"Take a picture, it lasts longer."

"Stupid people do stupid things, smart people out-smart each other."  
_  
"If you can't live without me, then why aren't you dead yet?"_

"I'm in shape... Round's a shape, isn't it?"

"Have I told you lately that I hate every single last one of you?"

"I know karate, kung-fu, and 47 other dangerous words."  
_  
__**"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend forever."  
**  
_**"You've never been a person to lean on, but rather a person who has made leaning unnecessary."  
**  
_"Knock, maybe I'll answer the door, when I decide that I'm home..."_

**Some people are like a slinky; not really good for anything but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.**

Opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.  
  
_One should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them._  
_  
Two wrongs don't make a right. But three rights make a left_

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools  
_  
**STRESS:** A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk that desperately deserves it._

**STRESSED** is **DESSERTS** spelled backwards

_**"Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level. And then they'll beat you with experience."  
**  
"_Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you  
criticize them you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes"

_"Nothing would ever get done if it weren't for the last minute"_

"Don't take life too seriously-it's not like you're getting out alive"

"I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect."

**"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."**

"I can only please one person a day. Today's no good and tomorrow isn't looking good either"

"You can't change who you are or the past, so suck it up and deal with it."

"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth..."

"If you're willing to jump... I'm willing to watch you hit the ground..."  
_  
"Indolent means: To free from pain."_

"Time flies when you are with the one you love. And minutes are eternity when you are not."

"Two years will be nothing with you by my side, but two months without you...is hell."

"Moments had been years. Seconds had become centuries...and minutes...were eternity."

"One day would take forever, the night would be even longer, and the next day would be even longer than the previous day and night put together."

**"The hardest thing in life is loving the person right next to you and knowing they love someone else."**

**"Live like you ain't afraid to die. Don't be scared just enjoy your ride."**

**"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"**

"Silence. Sometimes, the nicest sound in the world. Other times, the sound that you dread the most."

**"The only promise anyone should ever worry about is that they will wake up and breathe tomorrow; and even that isn't guaranteed."**

**"You don't give up on the people you love, its not right, it's like telling your heart not to beat, and telling your soul not to feel, it's just not possible."**

"The best advice I can give you is to ignore advice. Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others."

_**"I'm the kind of person who laughs at a joke 3 times  
once when it's said  
once when it's explained to me  
once five minutes later when I finally get it"**_

"Who ever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door."

"Mirrors don't talk, and luckily for you they don't laugh."  
  
"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast, the mime next door went nuts."  
_  
**"When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.', they stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."**_

**"Last night I was laying in my bed, looking up at the stars, when I realized...where the hell is my ceiling?"**

"It's not when animals attack its when people do stupid things to get themselves bitten."

"How can I miss you if you don't go away?"

"I'm busy, your ugly, have a nice day."

"Everyone's entitled to be stupid...But your just abusing the privilege."

"The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?"

"A skater broke my heart...So I broke his board."

"In the end, I believe people are still good at heart."  
  
"Everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on the end of pencils."  
_  
"When caught between two evils, chose the one you know best."  
_  
"I am not afraid of storms, for I have learned how to sail my ship."  
_  
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blinde."_

"Some people like happy endings...i am realistic."

"The mind can calculate, but the spirit yearns, and the heart knows what the heart knows."

**"Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer, all too soon they bleed into a wash just like the watery ink on paper."**

"I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead."

"I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!"

I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet."

"There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it."

"Evil, was never so cute and fuzzy."

"You did WHAT with my midol!"  
_  
"No I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who would be pissed if she heard me say that."_

"I can't sleep, clowns will eat me."

"I see stupid people, there's so many."  
_  
"I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning."_

"Therapy is expensive, but bubble wrap is free."

"The cheese fell off your cracker a long time ago, didn't it?"

"What do you mean you think he's pregnant?"

"I'm not reading porn!"

"I hate life, that's why I killed mine years ago."  
_  
"Insult me and feel my brother's wrath."_

"Love hurts_..._so does a knife to the chest."  
_  
__**"What would you rather feel? The pain of your spouse's betrayal or the knife that's being plunging into you."  
**  
_**"I lusted a boy. he lusted me. we both died of AIDs. the end."  
**_  
"I have a love for you, but the distance is killing it."_

**"Can you still love me after you've known the fact that I want everyone to i love to die after me because I don't want to be alone?"**

"The rain is falling on me. here you shall be. beside me, while I get struck by lightening."

**"Kill me before I admit you're beautiful. kill me before I love you. kill me before I kiss you. kill me before I make you mine."**

"to reach my heart, first give me yours."

"I need to see you to love you, but even then I might still hate you."

"I am legally evil."

"Sue me and I'll give you something to sue."

"Life is either a party or a living hell. Take your choice. I personally like the choice with the world domination, but who am I to be picky?"

_"Screw the world! Who needs it anyway? It's not like it does anything!"_

"If anyone has a noble act to stop me, you might as well put it in your will."

"Logic is panics prey."

**"you laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same."**

"Start at the beginning. When you get to the end, stop."  
  
"There's always a catch, a hidden cost. Just ask any telemarketer."  
_  
"Let the neighbors think they saw a flying pizza."_

"_**The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."  
**  
__**"When you wake up to white walls  
And endless halls  
There's an emptiness that echoes through it all  
So sit back in your bed  
With your mind medicated  
And your senses stuck on the sick scent of the dead.  
You can call for the doctor  
It's all you've got any more  
He's the ticket to the life you had before  
If I could just make them see that I don't need this  
Doctor, doctor what am I here for?  
Can't you see that I don't need this place?  
I don't need these walls.  
I'm no threat at all."  
**  
**"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."**_

"**You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely."**

"In order for it to begin, it must have an ending. This has no ending, and I doubt it will  
anytime soon."

**"If you can keep your head when all those about you are loosing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation."**

"When things are going badly, they will get worse. When things are as bad as they can  
possibly get, the impossible will happen. And when things appear to be getting better, you have probably overlooked something."  
**_  
_"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women."  
**_  
**"Sometimes I feel like the whole worlds against me. Then I remember that that isn't true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral."**_

"Life is unfair. Everything else is just a mild inconvenience."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."  
  
"Anything that can't possibly in a million years go wrong, will go wrong. Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security. If everything seems great, it's already gone wrong. The only time you're right, is when it's about being wrong. The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees it's wrong."  
_  
__**"If tomorrow was today, then everyone would be happy. Alas, it will never happen, for tomorrow will never come."  
**  
"Nothing is as easy as the expert makes it seem."_

"Haste makes waste."

**"I'm me, idiot, who else would I be?"**

"I'd look on the bright side if I could find it."

"I hope life isn't a joke, coz I don't get it..."  
_  
There are only stupid people around me, but they mean well."_

"The complication, inevitably, came in green spandex."

"Okay, you be the optimist, and I'll go on being the pessimist and we'll be fine. Just don't go pushing your 'happiness' on me."

"God made man, knew he could do better, and made woman."

"Envy is ignorance; imitation is suicide."

"Just because you're smiling, doesn't mean you're happy."  
_  
"A bird can only soar if the sky has no bounds."_

_"I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference."  
_**_  
_**

**_My Sister's Christmas Eve Breakdown_**

**_One day  
she was my big  
sister, so normal and  
well-behaved, the next she was a  
stranger_**

**_rushing  
out the door to  
Midnight Mass, a wild-eyed  
Jewish girl wearing only a  
nightgown._**

**_One day  
he was my dad,  
so calm and quiet and  
in control, the next he was a  
stranger_**

**_dragging  
my big sister  
away from the door, up  
the stairs, screaming so loud that my  
ears stung._**

**_One day  
she was my mom,  
so reliable and good in  
a crisis, the next she was a  
stranger_**

**_standing  
stock still with her  
hands clamped over her mouth  
and her eyes squeezed shut, not even  
breathing._**

**_That day  
I sank into  
the wall, wondering what  
these three people were doing in  
my house_**

**_and I  
shouted that they  
had to stop, even though  
I wasn't supposed to talk to  
strangers._**

**Rose**  
**_Epic beauty of the deadliest kind  
Walked through the door completely unaware  
The world saw nothing and I diverted my gaze  
But the light shone brighter from the corner  
And all I could do was watch as it withered  
A rose gone dry, pedals so soft they hurt  
And suddenly I wonder what its fortune is  
The rose in the dark  
Mad World  
The world is mad  
Rocking on its edge  
Bind it within straight jacket lies  
Everything will fall to itself  
Bow down before this insanity  
Murder and Pain  
Nothing can stop this disease  
Red ink on the stomach  
It spins  
Kiss the heels of tyrant gods  
And cry as they walk away  
He died, We died, I died  
Now there is nothing  
_**

**Memory**  
**_Spirit drained, heart empty  
One life lost, another gone  
A knife through a heart  
And a broken body on the street  
A cost greater than that of any love  
Bleeding before shattered windows  
Reflection painted morose on shards of glass  
Crepes and wisteria  
Black lace ceilings and orchids crushed  
Light illuminates sorrow on a face of whiskers  
And as the sun rises up  
Night falls once again  
_**

****

**__**

_**I sit here all alone  
afraid of what is going on around me,  
I thought you were the one!  
I thought you loved me,  
My eyes are shut,  
My ears are covered,  
And yet my heart still bleeds for you,  
And my brain still yearns for you.**_

You are my drug,  
I'm an addict to you,  
My drugs have turned against me,  
My life is over!

People say theirs still hope for me,  
People stop mentioning his name  
just so I can start forgetting what happened,  
But that's the exact thing that is making me worse.

I'm sitting in the corner of a white room,  
I have a marker,  
I choose to write his name  
over and over again,  
And yet something is missing,  
The whole room is lit up with his name...  
from wall to wall,  
As I open my veins up  
they splatter the truth over and over again,  
It is complete!  
And yet I never will be.

I see one of his friends,  
They wave,  
I cry,  
As reality hits me hard,  
he comes over and gives his sorrows,  
As I collapse from reality jumping out at me,  
SURREAL, SERIAL is the only real word replaying like an obsession in my mind.

I sit here all alone  
afraid of what is happening all around me,  
I thought u loved me enough to live,  
You took your life  
and left me in this cruel world,  
Alone, Scared and Afraid...

As my life collapses in front of me,  
People smile as they say they know...  
they know what I'm going through,  
But they can never truly understand what I'm going through,  
I never said good bye...  
I never truly said good bye!

As the thought of death ruins through my body,  
I reach for deaths tool,  
As I slowly force it into my warm pale skin,

Blood comes pouring out,  
A piecing scream is let out  
into this harsh atmosphere,

People come running,  
Yet its too late,  
I whisper into their ears,  
"Let me go"

As I grasp for air one last time,  
My eyes begin chrysies,  
I become weak,  
And true happiness hits me hard  
As I hear his name ...

My eyes are shut,  
My ears are covered,  
My blood has stop flowing,  
My heart, stops, with One, Last, Beat

_"I set out on a narrow way_

_Many years ago,_

_Hoping I would find true love_

_Along the broken road_

_But I got lost a time or to,_

_What my pride kept pushing through,_

_I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you_

_And every long lost dream,_

_Lead me to where you are,_

_Others who broke my heart,_

_They were like northern stars,_

_Pointing me on my way,_

_Into your loving arms,_

_This much I know is true_

_That God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you…_

_I think about the years I spent_

_Just passing through,_

_I'd like to have the time I lost_

_And give it back to you,_

_But you smiled and take my hand_

_You been there you understand,_

_It's all part of a grander plan,_

_That is coming true_

_And every long lost dream,_

_Lead me to where you are,_

_Others who broke my heart,_

_They were like northern stars,_

_Pointing me on my way,_

_Into your loving arms,_

_This much I know is true_

_That God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you…_

_And now I'm just rolling home_

_Into to my lovers arms,_

_This much I know is true_

_That God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you_

_That God bless the broken road…_

_That lead me straight…_

_To you…" - bless the broken road_

_**Looked down from a broken sky  
Traced out by the city lights  
My world from a mile high  
Best seat in the house tonight  
Touched down on the cold black tile  
Hold on for the sudden stop  
Breath in the familiar shock  
Of confusion and chaos  
Are those people going somewhere?  
Why have I never cared?**_

Give me your eyes for just one second  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
Everything that I keep missing  
Give me your love for humanity  
Give me your arms for the broken hearted  
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?  
Give me your heart for the once forgotten  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
again  
again  
yeah  
yeah

Step out on a busy street  
See a girl and our eyes meet  
Does her best to smile at me  
To hide whats underneath  
Theres a man just to her right  
Black suit and a bright red tie  
To ashamed to tell his wife  
Hes out of work  
Hes buying time  
Are those people going somewhere?  
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
Everything that I keep missing  
Give me your love for humanity  
Give me your arms for the broken hearted  
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?  
Give me your heart for the once forgotten  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
again  
again  
yeah  
yeah

Ive Been there a million times  
A couple of million eyes  
Just moving past me by  
I swear I never thought that I was wrong  
Well I want a second glance  
So give me a second chance  
To see the way you see the people all alone

**************__**

_**Give me your eyes for just one second  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
Everything that I keep missing  
Give me your love for humanity  
Give me your arms for the broken hearted  
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?  
Give me your heart for the once forgotten  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
again  
again  
yeah  
yeah  
**_

_**Give me your eyes for just one second  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
Everything that I keep missing  
Give me your love for humanity  
Give me your arms for the broken hearted  
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?  
Give me your heart for the once forgotten  
Give me your eyes so I can see  
again  
again  
yeah  
yeah - give me your eyes**_

_****_

**_Living my life in a slow hell  
Different girl every night at the hotel  
I ain't seen the sunshine  
In 3 damn days'  
Been fueling up on cocian and whiskey  
Wish I had a good girl that missed me  
Lord I wonder if i'll ever change my ways_**

I put your picture away  
Sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you while i'm lying next to her  
I put your picture away  
Sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you while i'm lying next to her

I called you last night at the hotel  
everyone know but they won't tell  
But their half hearted smiles tell em something jut ain't right  
I've been waiting on you for a long time  
Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine  
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn days

I put you picture away'  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while i'm lying next to him  
I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while i'm lying next to him

I saw you yesterday with an old friend  
It was the same old same how have you been  
Since you been gone my world has been dark and grey  
You reminded me of brighter days  
I hope you were coming home to stay  
I was heading to church  
I was off to drink you away

I thought about you for a long time  
Can't seem to get you off my mind  
I can't understand why were living our life this way  
I found you picture today  
I swear i'll change my ways  
I just called to say i want you to come back home  
I found your picture today  
I swear i'd changed my ways  
I just called to say i want you to come back home  
I just called to say i love come back home 

**_ - picture : kid rock_**

You look so beautiful today  
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away  
So i try to find the words that i could say  
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away  
And I cant lie  
Every time I leave my heart turns gray  
And I want to come back home to see your face  
And I  
Cause I just cant take it

Another day without you with me  
Is like a blade that cuts right through me  
But I can wait  
I can wait forever  
When you call my heart stops beating  
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding  
But I can wait  
I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today  
It's like every time I turn around I see your face  
The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you  
When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay  
And I cant lie  
Every time I leave my heart turns gray  
And I want to come back home to see your face  
And I  
Cause I just cant take it

Another day without you with me  
Is like a blade that cuts right through me  
But I can wait  
I can wait forever  
When you call my heart stops beating  
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding  
But I can wait  
I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever  
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay  
But when I come back home to feel your touch  
Makes it better  
Till that day  
Theres nothing else that I can do  
And I just cant take it  
I just cant take it

Another day without you with me  
Is like a blade that cuts right through me  
But i can wait  
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)  
When you call my heart stops beating  
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding  
But I can wait  
I can wait forever  
I can wait forever  
I can wait forever...

- i can wait forever


	4. Wtf was i thinking

****************

_This is a paper i had to write on my views on Humanity_

_ Humanity is truly a wondrous thing to behold. The only being thought to have conscious and subconscious capacity for thinking. But if one dwells upon it though, one starts to wonder if that is a wondrous thing indeed. humans are an ingenious creature whom are placed on a pedestal too high for any other animal to reach as how it should be. Because we are the only ones to drive, write, and to indulge ourselves with, for the most part, petty and useless endeavors. Yet we are also the only ones who kill in cold blood, or to wage wars upon wars for money and/or recourses. There is a theory that states the universe only exists because humans are conscious to observe it's existence. This thinking may appear as a vain way of thinking, and maybe it is, but it is merely it's merely saying that that because humans are able to observe the world around them they discovered the universe. Any other animal is aware of it's world but disregards it as an unneeded fact._

**_...admittedly, it looked longer, and more impressive on paper..._**

_

* * *

_

_**The following is not my creation, and is an extract from another story on fanfiction so i will title it acordingly.**_

**The RAA: Remus Admirers Anonymous**

**Chapter Fourteen: November**

**Author : rry**

**Link to story : fanfiction .net/s/3420689/1/The_RAA_Remus_Admirers_Anonymous**

**Summary : Sirius is the president of the 'RAA'. It was a joke at first, but then it got serious. RLSB SBRL slash i hope it's better than it sounds, i think it is anyway. First part in the 'CLUB' series**

**Pairing : Remus/Sirius Sirius/Remus slash boyXboy ect.**

**Link to chapter : fanfiction .net/s/3420689/14/The_RAA_Remus_Admirers_Anonymous**

_**Before i put this i would like to say that this extract has no SBRL/RLSB in it for those who do not like slash.**_

_**And again that this is not mine, but rry 's story.**_

_**also i recomend you read this story, because it is hilarious,**_

_**anyways here it is;**_

"Sirius! How could you?" James yelled playfully. "Please, just tell me that you _didn't_ go to the library!" James reached out and placed a placed a hand on Sirius's forearm.

"I'm… sorry, but, I had too!" Sirius turned his head away in shame.

"Noo!" James yelled dramatically. "How could you?"

Sirius slowly turned teary eyes on James. "The… Leprechauns, they made me."

James's eyes widened and he pulled Sirius into a rough hug, while exclaiming, "How terrible!"

Sirius pulled back and placed his hands on James's shoulders, "That's not even the worst of it!"

James gasped loudly, "GO ON!"

"Well," Sirius started calmly and wriggled out of James's grasp, "I was walking down the corridor last Sunday then suddenly ZZZUOOOOOM!" he slapped his hands together; "this THING comes out of NO WHERE and tackles me to the floor! The Leprechaun jumps up and yells 'TAKE ME TO THE MOON!' and I'm just like 'What the HELL!' and then it drags me off to its space ship by my lovely hair to become its man-slave! Luckily, there was this frog in the corner! And it was like 'POOOOOOSH!' and round house kicked the Leprechaun! I was free! I thanked the frog and tried to be on my way but then the frog was like 'NO! Now you are now my pet hamster!' I had to run for my very _LIFE_!" Sirius slammed his hands down onto the table. "I managed to get to the elephant yard before I was tripped up by a wild TIGER! IT TRIED TO EAT ME PRONGS! Then the frog sacrificed itself to save me and I rode the tiger over the moon and ended up in La-La-Land with a hangover and my jeans ripped and I DON'T REMEMBER HOW IT HAPPENED!" Sirius sniffed, "And then the wild daisies started singing." He sniffed again and looked at James.

James stared at Sirius, "Oh my god," he said slowly, his voice cracking lightly, "that's horrible." His eyebrows twitched rapidly and Sirius knew he was trying not to laugh. He and Peter had been laughing throughout Sirius's entire tale. Remus' shoulders were shaking and his face was hidden behind his book completely.

Sirius sniffed, "It'll scar me permanently."

* * *

**TT^TTRamblingXD**

_**I have a few questions, that i shall list if anyone reads this i would thoroughly enjoy your opinions**_

**_1) During the typical human-vamp relationship the girl is human,_**

**_ how does the guy stand being around her when she's on period?_**

**_Or is it considered 'bad blood' because the body is already_**

**_trying to rid itself of it?_**

**_2) If you were to play a blank tape would a mime be able to hear it?_**

**_3) Do worms ever scream?_**

**_this will probably be added to later._**


	5. Things to do at

_**Lists**_

_**101 things to do at walmart**_

_**1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them**_  
_**and stranding them at strategic locations.**_

_**2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.**_

_**3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals**_  
_**throughout the day.**_

_**4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get**_  
_**to join in.**_

_**5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the**_  
_**spray air fresheners.**_

_**6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.**_

_**7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.**_

_**8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.**_

_**9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,**_  
_**especially thin narrow aisles.**_

_**10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I**_  
_**think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what**_  
_**happens.**_

_**11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off**_  
_**and turn the volumes to "10″.**_

_**12. Play with the automatic doors.**_

_**13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen**_  
_**you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid**_  
_**embarrassment.**_

_**14. While walking through the clothing department, ask**_  
_**yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,**_  
_**anyway?"**_

_**15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.**_

_**16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're**_  
_**taking it for a "test drive."**_

_**17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about**_  
_**five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the**_  
_**department.**_

_**18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store**_  
_**as your playing field.**_

_**19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look**_  
_**mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"**_

_**20. Put M&M's on layaway.**_

_**21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.**_

_**22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll**_  
_**only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.**_

_**23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from**_  
_**the other aisles.**_

_**24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.**_

_**25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around**_  
_**saying,"…I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"**_

_**26. TP as much of the store as possible.**_

_**27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.**_

_**28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"**_  
_**upside down.**_

_**29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,**_  
_**"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"**_

_**30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired**_  
_**employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any**_  
_**Shnerples here?"**_

_**31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale**_  
_**battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.**_

_**32. Take bets on the battle described above.**_

_**33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.**_

_**34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from**_  
_**"Mission: Impossible."**_

_**35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while**_  
_**squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I**_  
_**need some tampons!"**_

_**36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.**_

_**37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.**_

_**38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.**_

_**39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.**_

_**40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to**_  
_**your Twinkies?"**_

_**41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.**_

_**42. Two words: "Marco Polo."**_

_**43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet**_  
_**food aisle, etc.**_

_**44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.**_

_**45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the**_  
_**restrooms**_

_**46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at**_  
_**something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.**_

_**47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.**_

_**48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,**_  
_**assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those**_  
_**voices again!"**_

_**49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.**_

_**50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and**_  
_**relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain**_  
_**that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little**_  
_**umbrella in it.**_

_**51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice**_  
_**possible "sex and candy"**_

_**52. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your**_  
_**head and walk around the store casually.**_

_**53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the**_  
_**mannequins.**_

_**54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.**_

_**55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run**_  
_**between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"**_

_**56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror**_  
_**while you pick your nose.**_

_**57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.**_  
_**(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!)**_

_**58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly**_  
_**ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act**_  
_**as spastic as possible.**_

_**59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and**_  
_**women's signs on the doors of the rest room.**_

_**60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch**_  
_**everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.**_

_**61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with**_  
_**various funnels.**_

_**62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse**_  
_**through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare**_  
_**them into believing that the clothes are talking to them**_

_**63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you**_  
_**and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is**_  
_**breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you**_  
_**do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was**_  
_**another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME**_  
_**darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto**_  
_**the ground screaming and having convulsions.**_

_**64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people**_  
_**out.**_

_**65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and**_  
_**begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."**_

_**66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of**_  
_**shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the**_  
_**boxes and throw it in various aisles.**_

_**67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.**_

_**68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every**_  
_**perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another**_  
_**girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.**_  
_**"hi! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy**_  
_**shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.**_  
_**"hi! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."**_

_**69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples**_  
_**carts when they don't realize it!**_

_**70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of**_  
_**super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean**_  
_**in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front**_  
_**of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the**_  
_**perfume!"**_

_**71. Hit on the elderly.**_

_**72. Hit on 5 year olds.**_

_**73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly**_  
_**move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left**_  
_**as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the**_  
_**ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like**_  
_**crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes! I got it! Wow, that was**_  
_**the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!**_  
_**Hey look, there's another one!" Then Repeat.**_

_**74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.**_

_**75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.**_  
_**Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.**_

_**76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a**_  
_**prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to**_  
_**people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.**_

_**77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your**_  
_**friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those**_  
_**electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they**_  
_**don't know you.**_

_**78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for**_  
_**toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend**_  
_**that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over**_  
_**wanting to use it, start barking at them until**_  
_**they run away crying.**_

_**79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind**_  
_**customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your**_  
_**friend.**_

_**80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".**_

_**81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.**_

_**82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.**_

_**82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say**_  
_**"Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter**_  
_**Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of**_  
_**french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say**_  
_**"Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you**_  
_**say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from**_  
_**Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like**_  
_**everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away**_  
_**mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-**_  
_**like as you can**_

_**83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people**_  
_**asking where the rash cream is because your family and all**_  
_**your friends seem to have a rash too.**_

_**84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your**_  
_**"multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern**_  
_**person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old**_  
_**girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should**_  
_**sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly**_  
_**good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta**_  
_**Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.**_

_**85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms**_  
_**and legs around like your having some kind of massive**_  
_**seizure.**_

_**86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the**_  
_**store.**_

_**87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to**_  
_**leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your**_  
_**walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to**_  
_**go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then**_  
_**quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away**_  
_**as fast as your can.**_

_**88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,**_  
_**your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while**_  
_**singing the circus song.**_

_**89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department**_

_**90. Put lingerie in the men's department.**_

_**91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men's carts when they turn**_  
_**around.**_

_**92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that**_  
_**someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over,**_  
_**start crying and saying "All I ever wanted was a little**_  
_**attention" Then run away crying.**_

_**93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,**_  
_**start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just**_  
_**stay mesmerized.**_

_**94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in**_  
_**my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your**_  
_**hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming**_  
_**"NO! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO**_  
_**NO NO NO!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the**_  
_**eyes, and Calmly say "I…will start…a fire…" The pull out a**_  
_**zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't**_  
_**light the zippo, just hold it closed.**_

_**95. Light a match under a spinkler.**_

_**96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I**_  
_**warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get**_  
_**my shot gun". Then walk away.**_

_**97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my**_  
_**god it is! I haven't seen you in so long!" Then kiss him.**_  
_**Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me?" Then**_  
_**walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.**_

_**98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a**_  
_**mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as**_  
_**possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your**_  
_**watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get**_  
_**paid enough to do this"**_

_**99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.**_

_**100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen**_  
_**my mommy?"**_

_**101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.**_

_**BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.**_

**_51 things to do on the first day of school_**

_**1 Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"**_

_**2 Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.**_

_**3 Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.**_

_**4 Sit in the front and color in your textbook.**_

_**5 When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"**_

_**6 Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".**_

_**7 Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.**_

_**8 Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.**_

_**9 Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.**_

_**10 Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.**_

_**11 Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.**_

_**12 Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.**_

_**13 Sing your questions.**_

_**14 Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.**_

_**15 When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."**_

_**16 Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.**_

_**17 Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.**_

_**18 Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.**_

_**19 Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".**_

_**20 Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.**_

_**21 Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occasionally lick your lips.**_

_**22 Address the professor as "your excellency".**_

_**23 Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.**_

_**24 Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.**_

_**25 Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.**_

_**26 Ask whether you have to come to class.**_

_**27 Present the professor with a large fruit basket.**_

_**28 Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.**_

_**29 Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.**_

_**30 Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.**_

_**31 Watch the professor through binoculars.**_

_**32 Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.**_

_**33 Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.**_

_**34 When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"**_

_**35 Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith.**_

_**36 Claim that the i is silent.**_

_**37 Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.**_

_**38 As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.**_

_**39 Claim that you wrote the class text book.**_

_**40 Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTOR!"**_

_**41 Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.**_

_**42 Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.**_

_**43 Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the professor answers.**_

_**44 Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S stands for "stud".**_

_**45 Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"**_

_**46 Disassemble your pen. "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.**_

_**47 Wink at the professor every few minutes.**_

_**48 In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.**_

_**49 Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.**_

_**50 Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.**_

_**51 Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you can't see Macedonia**_

**_50 things to do in a movie theater_**

_**1. Inform the entire theatre that you have to go to the bathroom. Wait a minute or so and tell everyone that you feel better now.**_

2. Applaud.

3. Laugh loudly during serious and sad scenes.

4. Sing along with the backround music.

5. Whenever someone opens a door yell "Don't go in there, he's got a gun!"

6. Snore.

7. Yell "Hey, down in front!" even if you are sitting in the front.

8. Make shadow puppets.

9. If you've seen the movie before, say what's going to happen right before it happens. Act amazed at your wonderful foresight.

10. Walk around behind the screen. Jump through it. Run like hell.

11. Pull out a squirt gun and shoot the "bad guys." Tell people that you are a part of this new "live action" movie. Squirt any movie personnel telling you to stop.

12. Read the credits out loud.

13. Dress as a cheerleader. Keep the actors' enthusiasm up.

14. Stand by the screen and sign the movie.

15. Rip off one end of a straw wrapper and blow in the straw. The wrapper will fly across the theatre, hopefully hitting someone.

16. (Variation of above) Dip the wrapper end in ketchup. This will make it a permanent part of the screen.

17. If it's a Disney film, go up to the projector room and replace the film with an adult film.

18. Talk loudly to a friend. Whenever someone else makes the slightest noise, tell them they are inconsiderate little bastards for disrupting your viewing pleasure.

19. Put Ex-Lax in the drinks. Lock all the doors.

20. Say "beep" loudly at every vulgarity. Tell those objecting that you are from the EPA here to stop noise pollution.

21. Throw Runts at people so you can use the drive by fruiting joke.

22. Sacrifice small furry creatures in the front of the theatre.

23. Sit by the aisle. Trip everyone that walks by.

24. Walk in front of the screen, fall, and lay there for a few minutes. Then get up and go back to your seat as if nothing happened. Do it again every ten minutes.

25. Play an appropriate instrument for the movie:  
western=banjo, comedy=cazoo, action=synthesizer or guitar, mystery=bad whistle, etc.

26. Say the lines with the movie, in Swahili.

27. Collect donations for charity.

28. Bring a portable T.V. Watch the ball game. Cheer loudly.

29. Aerosol can. Zippo. 'nuff said.

30. Throw paper airplanes. Anounce their take off like air traffic control personnel.

31. Candle + flashpaper = fireballs!

32. Yell "Ow!" after every gunshot.

33. Stand on your head in the aisle during the duration of the movie.

34. Have a barbecue.

35. Gargle your soft drink.

36. Juggle.

37. Bowl in the isle.

38. Throw smoke grenades.

39. Play Battleship with someone accross the theatre.

40. Wear a trench coat and sunglasses. Whenever someone enters or exits the theatre ask to see their identification.

41. Do shots.

42. Eat a lot of beans or chili before the movie. Hope the theatre is crowded.

43. Leave death threats on various seats. Give sinister glances to people as they leave the theatre.

44. Break into a chorus of "I Will Survive" during climatic parts of the movie.

45. Do some needlepoint. Suddenly yell "Ow! That hurt. Woah cool, it's spurting."

46. Find the light switch. Turn the lights on.

47. Throw water balloons.

48. Bring lots of gerbils and mice. Think snowball fight.

49. Have a friend call your beeper every 5 minutes. Make sure it's loud.

crack kills when the person in front of you bends down


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